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Bring on the Blessings
I’ve been thinking a lot about blessings lately. It’s been a hard few years for our family. My son recently hit the twenty-month mark in his journey with leukemia. We’re shuffling along slower than we were before cancer struck and forced him home from college to battle for his life. The adrenaline that hit at his diagnosis, and pushed us through crisis after crisis, has given way to a crash of exhaustion. We’re ready to ride the downhill relief of getting over the worst of the cancer mountain, yet we’re stuck in the middle of the climb. Every one of us is drained and tired and ready to be done–because…
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Surviving the Storm: Everything You Didn’t Want to Know About Chemo
I forgot how ugly chemo can get. Over the last six years, while my son stayed cancer-free, I pushed to the side the ugliness of our first battle with leukemia. Kind of like I shoved away the pain of childbirth after he was born. If I’d remembered my first experience with labor, Kyle would’ve been an only child. If I’d remembered our first ride with cancer, I’d have locked him up in a magic bubble where cancer could never find him. The further Kyle gets into his current treatment, the faster the horrors of chemo come back and suddenly I’m reliving every moment of those rough years in very gritty…
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Surviving the Storm: Running Cancer’s Maze
When the movie, The Maze Runner, hit Redbox, I rented the Blu-ray. Watching movies on our big screen is one of the few things we can still enjoy as a family since my oldest son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia. His aggressive chemo schedule ensures we don’t take vacations or plan parties or participate in activities that don’t involve spending major chunks of time sitting on cushy chairs. Living in a state of crisis has become our new norm. We’re sadly ecstatic when we learn more about new medications. And planning any outings feels pointless when Cancer hijacks our schedule ninety-nine percent of the time. Trying to survive cancer feels a…
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Surviving the Storm: Shaken
Faith feels easy when life is easy. But what happens when life gets hard? What happens when you’re shaken? Author’s Note: Last year, my oldest son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia, making me a two-time Cancer Mom. I’m sharing our journey not to ask for your pity, but for others who trudge this same road feeling isolated and alone. And for friends and family who watch the suffering and want to help, but don’t know where to begin. SHAKEN I swallowed a sip of burnt coffee and glanced across the blue vinyl booth at my oldest son. His brown hair was messy, like when he’d stepped out of the…
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No-Budge Beulah
Ever have someone kick you when you're down? Be cruel when you need compassion? Meet No-Budge Beulah.
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Honesty Central: Getting Real
With the exception of a few posts, I haven’t blogged for close to a year. Not since my son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia. I wrote a few posts on that topic that I won’t repeat. But here are the links if you or someone you love is struggling with cancer. When Life Stops, Wishes, Wants, and Secrets Fantasies, You Want Me to be Thankful for What? I’m a writer. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been published or in what venue, that need to create lives in my soul. It’s part of who I am. It is who I am. You’d think the first thing I’d turn to in…
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You Want Me to be Thankful for What?
Cancer doesn’t observe holidays. Doesn’t take a vacation. Doesn’t step away for a brief time-out. Since the week before Thanksgiving, when my son, Kyle, discovered an unusual mass, cancer dictates how we spend our holidays. The day before Thanksgiving, Kyle went in for an ultrasound. After the results came back abnormal, we spent Black Friday, which also happened to be my birthday, in the ER waiting for a C.T. scan. Right before Christmas, Kyle had surgery to remove the malignant mass. Christmas Eve, we learned the mass was not an isolated tumor, but an extremely rare form of leukemia relapse. New Year’s Eve kicked off a two-year aggressive chemotherapy treatment.…
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Wishes, Wants, and Secret Fantasies: Surviving the Storm Series
I wish I could pen an eloquent post, something thought-provoking and inspirational. I’ve started thirteen different drafts with thirteen different topics. I even downloaded some cool visual aids. But every time I try to finish this blog, my fingers freeze on the keys and all the energy I thought I had to put into some life-changing revelation drains away. I wanted to write a beautiful story of the way my family has bonded and pulled together over Kyle’s fight with cancer. I wanted to say I’m a servant, a martyr, willing to do anything and everything for my son with an attitude of grace. I wanted to say Kyle is…
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When Life Stops: Surviving the Storm
Life is complicated. Full of out-of-reach dreams and in-your-face commitments. We are busy with bosses and deadlines and spouses and kids and extended family obligations. Even time with friends doesn’t always come baggage-free. Throw in a few hormonal teens, an excess of extra-curricular activities, an aging pet, and piles of laundry and dishes that never deplete, and peace feels far-fetched. Sometimes I want off the Tilt-a-Wheel. Sometimes I need to be more careful what I ask for. Want to know a sure way to find perspective in less than half a second? Wake up in the storm of serious illness. Life stops. Everything going on around you fades. Because all…
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Conceding Christmas Part Two: The Response
Conceding Christmas is the story I wrote about our Christmas in 2004, less than two months after Kyle was diagnosed with leukemia. This blog is one of my favorites. Here is Part Two. Conceding Christmas I curl up in a ball. Think about that verse from Matthew 11. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Do I believe it? Can I live it? Release him. Trust me. Every moment I don’t let go, fear eats away at me. I live in bondage to the terror that Kyle will…
