• Conceding Christmas Part One: The Call

    Conceding Christmas is one of my favorite past posts and tells the story I wrote about our Christmas in 2004, less than two months after Kyle was diagnosed with leukemia.  Here is Part One: Conceding Christmas 3 AM I burrow deeper under the covers, the bed large and lonely. Thirteen days until Christmas, but I’m not planning a celebration. Arranging a funeral seems more likely. My husband stayed at the hospital tonight with our ten-year-old son. This time, Kyle struggles with fever, low blood counts, and multiple infections—staph in his central line and fungus in his left lung. The neighbor’s Christmas lights shine through my curtains, pulsing red and green. An ache…

  • Where Is The Miracle? Part One

    I follow a lot of CaringBridge sites. CaringBridge allows a family in medical crisis to post updates, prayer requests, and needs to a page that friends and family can access. The sites I follow have catchwords like “children” and “oncology.” My rooting in the pediatric cancer community comes out of the four years our family spent battling leukemia with our oldest son, Kyle. Because we’ve tread our own rough journey, people send me CaringBridge links, ask me to write encouraging emails, and pray for their friends and family that are dealing with similar struggles. I consider their requests a privilege. The way I see it, if I can’t take something…

  • It’s Only Just A Dream

    The smooth scent of vanilla slides over me. A hand rests on my shoulder and I cover it with mine—trace the bumpy veins on loose, spongy skin. I open my eyes. Grandma kneels beside my chair, dressed in her favorite outfit—blue sweater, matching pumps, and pearl clip-on earrings. I bite my lip. She’s not supposed to be here.