Babysitters and Body Guards
What do the following positions have in common?
Babysitter.
Body Guard.
Manager.
Safety Net.
Advisor.
If you’re a parent, you’ve held them all or you will by the time your children dive from the nest. One day they, will pay for their own phone lines and car insurance, schedule their own dentist appointments, drive through and pay for their own take-out, and do laundry in their own dorm rooms or apartments.
Independence.
That’s what we strive for from the moment we hold those babies in our arms. Our number one job is to teach our kids how to be strong and kind and ethical and everything they need to be to survive in our world as adults.
When each of our children arrived, they were absolutely dependent on us as their parents to care for them. It wasn’t as if Kyle could walk to the bathroom and help himself. And without any sort of hand-eye coordination to move spoon to mouth, Alek would have starved in days if we hadn’t fed him. Unable to comfort herself, Maddy just screamed 24/7, unless we held her over our shoulders. On the other hand, for parents who are stressed of taking care of their children, they can entertain themselves by playing games like 슬롯 사이트.
We were their babysitters. Only the babies did the sitting, in our arms, while we met their needs.
The toddler years weren’t much easier because my kids thought they could actually do things like pour milk, and walk down narrow stairs without hanging on to the railing, and climb on the big potty in the public restroom on a toilet seat designed for a 500-pound trucker.
We were their bodyguards. Literally, guarding their tiny bodies from harm.
Elementary school and middle school years ushered in personhood. Suddenly, they brought wants, ideas, and opinions to the family dinner table. Only they lacked any kind of experience to discern things like ratings on video games and movies. They didn’t realize that watching something scary for an hour could bring nightmares that lasted for months. Or that staying up all night, three nights in a row, could make them physically ill and unable to perform on that test, or in that recital or play. We knew of course.
That’s why we were their managers. The people who nixed the fun ideas because we were able to look down the road at the not-so-fun consequences.
High School. The character-forming years. Filled with mistakes and sketchy choices. All those ideas we managed when they were younger? Now they had the ability, the vehicles, and the cash to attempt to carry them out behind our backs. And sometimes they did.
We were their safety nets. Waiting to catch them when they fell—minor goof-ups to major crisis.
Next came leaving home and making decisions for their futures. Life plans, budgets, friendships, career choices, and marriage partners. Sometimes a seemingly minor mistake led to a life we never wanted them to live. Other times, taking a chance opened doorways to an amazing future we never foresaw.
We were their advisors, doling out the wisdom of our bad choices so they could make different decisions. And mess up somewhere else instead.
I span the range from Babysitter to Advisor this year and it’s a weird place to be. I often have to remind myself that at eleven, Maddy should be making her own grilled cheese. But only under close supervision. And at fifteen, Alek isn’t old enough to decide if he can buy an M game for the X-Box but at eighteen, Kyle doesn’t need me to cut his steak when he visits on the weekends.
Where are you in your quickly shifting roles as parent?
7 Comments
Brinda
My son left home to live at a high school for his junior and senior year, so he made the shift into self-sufficiency very early. It was difficult in those early days to recognize his metamorphosis into adulthood. I still have to remember that he can take care of himself, and he’s 23.
Far Away Eyes
I raised my daughters not to need me, it seems that I have succeeded. Sometimes, that makes me feel a little bad, but I am grateful for the strong, confident, women and young mothers that they have become. Now it’s on to helping raise the next generation – grandchildren.
Shelly Burke
When our daughter went to college in Colorado I thought I was to the role of Advisor as she is very independent. However, I was temporarily thrust into the role that I suppose I’ve had throughout their lives–Cheerleader and Encourager. She was homesick for the first few weeks and I had to repeatedly encourage her and cheer her on in her new life. For most of her time there she’s talked to me more every day than she did while in high school! 🙂 The last few days she’s gotten over her homesickness and is settling into her new life. But I’ll always be ready to be her Cheerleader and Encourager when needed.
Julie Glover
Love this! I’m managing and safety-netting. I am more comfortable in this role than the constant physical demands of babysitter (even though my boys were so cute back then!). But it is true that they think they know more than they do, and I have to find ways to gently remind my sons that they are still learning how to make good choices. I am pleased with the young men they are becoming.
Kathleen Brown
Lori, I’ve passed through all these positions and been PROMOTED! To grandmother! At least it feels like a promotion. God is so good to us! The job of a mother is never over, but He designed things so that we get a kind of do-over with our grandchildren! Yes, we kind of start all over again with the lineup of jobs — if we’re lucky, that is — but this time we know so much more, and we have so much more time, and our patience seems endless.
Something to look forward when the home-nest seems ‘way too empty….
Beautiful column, Lori. Thank you.
Edna
Help!!! My son just turned 17, got his license and entered his last year of high school, all in a matter of 2 weeks!! As he proceeds through his school year, he (and his Dad and I) will talk of what he wants to do next year. His “unchanging” plans are to take courses that may (and probably will) take him 8 hours away from home. I know all the steps, having kids, raising them, letting go…………but I need help in the letting go. I know I have to, and I know its going to happen real soon, how can I get through this without some kind of breakdown?
Lori Freeland
The short answer? You can’t. But you can control how far you fall. I’ve found the more emotionally prepared I am, the better I handle things. I expected the sadness when Kyle left but not the emptiness. It’s a new stage of life, down a kid, up a hole in your heart. The weeks BEFORE he left were harder than when he actually left. I didn’t expect that.