Jump out of the Box
Jump out of the Box
Two words that unleash a whirlwind of emotions, unlock a pile of memories, and bring back the rush of new experiences.
First dance. First kiss. First heartbreak. First public humiliation.
New friends. New choices. New games like 벳무브 가입. New opportunities. New temptations.
A glimpse of how we will handle the uncensored side of people, the often-confusing multi-dimensions of ourselves, the possibilities for our future and the pain of our failure.
So when my only daughter, Maddy, and I had a real discussion about changing things up and going the public school path, the words middle school came with a daunting punch.
Maddy has been homeschooled since Kindergarten. We’d taken our boys out of private school because of health and learning disability issues, and Maddy just sort of hopped on the Freeland Academy Train.
I’m not a particularly sheltering parent, but I’d like to spare my kids heartbreak they don’t need. I don’t subscribe to the toughen-them-up-with-emotional-scars theory.
Most of what I learned in middle school shaped me in a negative way and I believe that as kids get older, they have more of an ability to deal with the hardships of life and the meanness of other people. I want to give my kids swimming lessons before I throw them in a shark tank and expect them to survive.
Maddy wants to go to school for the opportunities school offers. She’s an artsy, musician-type of girl who loves choir, piano, drama, art, and track. She wants to be part of a group more often than once a week when we go to homeschool co-op. She wants her own friends and her own space and her own chance to go after her dreams.
I want her to be happy. I want her to find her future. I want her to pursue it.
What I don’t want is for some unadjusted, hurting girl desperate for her own sense of self-worth and identity to lash out at Maddy and leave her with internal scars she’ll carry into high school, college, and marriage.
Middle School. You get it, right? Most of us have been there. Most of us have the wounds to prove it.
So why am I considering sending my fragile little girl out into the wild, especially after I’d kept my big, strong boys home?
And why would I choose this for her now? Was it a selfish decision because I was exhausted, burned out, and pursuing a new direction of my own? Or was it a gift to Maddy in disguise?
The questions rambled, endless and exhausting.
And I began to pray. “What is the right thing to do? What’s best for Maddy and for me? What’s best for our family?”
And God was silent, the way He sometimes is with me. Because He’s waiting for me to climb out of the box and get to the heart of the issue.
It has taken me weeks to scale the slippery walls and throw one leg over the edge of the box that is my expectation of God. Weeks spent begging the Lord, “Just show me the right thing to do. Make it clear. Please. You choose for Maddy. You choose for me.”
“This decision isn’t about choosing homeschool or middle school,” He spoke to my heart.
Not about that? Was He kidding?
“You’re asking the wrong question. Again,” He said.
Yes, I was sure I was asking the wrong question. I always asked the wrong question. But what was the right question?
And then, He breathed His own question across my heart. “Do you trust Me?”
“Of course I trust You, Lord. So tell me what to do about Maddy.”
“Do you trust Me to take care of Maddy no matter where she is? Homeschool, middle school, high school, college…life? Do you trust me to hold her heart in my hands?”
Wow. Talk about out of the box.
I spent another few days wrestling with the right question, the question God had given me. And today I answered Him yes. Yes, I trust You to take care of Maddy no matter where she is. Yes, I trust You with her heart. And yes, I trust You with mine.
This morning, Maddy and I are going to Middle School and checking out the place she’ll be spending a lot of time come fall.
A place where she’ll have the opportunity for her first dance, first kiss, and first heart heartbreak. A place where she will meet new friends, have new choices, and be given new opportunities.
A place where God will keep her safe. Because He’s so much wiser than me.
8 Comments
DiAne Gates
Nothing like being in the light of God’s eye when He delivers the question, is there? There have been a number of times when He has asked me that same “Do you trust Me?” question.
The first response is always, “Of course, Lord, I trust you.” But then when we examine our heart, our thoughts, and our actions that often means releasing our stranglehold on the object of our prayers.
That has happened with both of our children. Son wanted to be a fighter pilot, from the age of eight. And he still is, at the age of forty-four. Lots of time on my knees with that one…releasing, clasping, then releasing again. Over and over through the years.
When our daughter died at the age of twenty-eight there was a list of “do you trust Me” issues I came face-to-face with on my knees.
From this side of the questions and answer, I can say these experiences are spiritual building bricks to sustain us during our journey on this earth. Building bricks for both you and Maddy. And you’re both going to be amazed at the things God is going to do with your faith in Him. Because He is amazing!
DiAne
P.S. And I see fodder for future-fun-filled-fiction! 🙂
Lori Freeland
Maybe the question should always be, “Do you trust Me?” and my answer should always be, “Yes.” That way I quit wasting time 🙂
Linda
God’s perfect timing, as usual. Your words here corrected my focus. We’re sending our “no so mature” child to a Christian college well out of state next week. Although professing faith, they made some not-so-wise relational & behavior choices in the last year or so of high school. I’m feeling very uncomfortable in this transition, and probably rightly so, from my view. But you’ve pointed out the real question, as all matters are truly about trusting Him vs. the issue at hand. Thank you. And I’ll be re-reading this for continued support during this time….and probably from now on regarding our child’s life!
Lori Freeland
Thank you. Change is harder. Faith is harder. I will be praying for you family 🙂
Reama
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have four beautiful children and my eldest Alumeci (girl) is in Class 7. She will be soon entering middle school and like you I am always worried about her future. I don’t want her to make the same mistakes that I made during my time. Thank you for the timely reminder once again. Yes, Father God I will leave my daughter into your hands and TRUST in you that you will see her through and protect her and yes I trust her with your heart. This goes for my other two sons and 1 daughter! God bless from Suva, Fiji!
Reama.
Lori Freeland
Praying with you!
Karen Hilbert
Thanks for sharing your struggles as I too am in the same boat. Though the struggles you mentioned for “middle school” were high school for me. Much is expected at this age but I question the examples of other adults in her life right now. Make a plan and stick with it, no texts or phone calls for variances. The person on the other end of that text is not being considered. Balance and responsibility are other big areas for middle schoolers. I see too many parents bending over backwards to come up with last minute money, “forgotten things” taken to school and running around to have them in activities. They are in school to learn first and foremost. I am around other “like-minded” Christians but I feel a world apart with their life style choice and ours. I know God is in control and trusting Him now in my stage of parenting is crucial. God’s blessings!
Lori Freeland
Karen,
Thank you for sharing your struggle too. I am in a place of telling myself, eyes on Jesus only 🙂