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Panic Party
Stress. Overload. Anxiety. Fear. Panic. I bet you have personal experience with at least one of these, if not several. I do. I’ve been battling panic attacks for years. They started when my dad walked out just after I turned nineteen, continued with my oldest son’s diagnosis of leukemia at ten, and escalated with his relapse at nineteen. Which we’re still dealing with today. Products like cannabis and CBD oil have become a significant part of my toolkit for managing the overwhelming waves of anxiety and fear that come with these experiences. You can find delta 9 gummies nearby, which offer a convenient and effective way to help calm the…
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You Don’t Know What You Have…
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV) “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” This morning, I hopped out of bed, raced to the bathroom, and stood under the hot shower for fifteen minutes. I know what you’re thinking. Big deal. I do that every morning. You’re so not jealous of my quarter-hour shower. But maybe you should be. A few months ago, that same morning routine went something like this: I rolled over to face the wheelchair parked next to my bed, my broken ankle waking with me, the throb timing itself to match the staccato pulse blaring from the alarm. I killed the…
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Bring on the Blessings
I’ve been thinking a lot about blessings lately. It’s been a hard few years for our family. My son recently hit the twenty-month mark in his journey with leukemia. We’re shuffling along slower than we were before cancer struck and forced him home from college to battle for his life. The adrenaline that hit at his diagnosis, and pushed us through crisis after crisis, has given way to a crash of exhaustion. We’re ready to ride the downhill relief of getting over the worst of the cancer mountain, yet we’re stuck in the middle of the climb. Every one of us is drained and tired and ready to be done–because…
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Black Hole Moments
When I got pregnant with my daughter, Maddy, a few of my other pregnant friends were choosing to give birth au natural. My thought—Why not? I’d had epidurals with my boys, but because I’d progressed quickly, I didn’t get them until well into labor. The pain early on hadn’t been that bad. My friends had done it. I could woman up. If you’ve had children, naturally or not, you’re laughing now. You may be laughing even if you haven’t given birth. And you should be. Fourteen years after the trauma of labor and delivery au natural, I can laugh too. Most of that day has faded into memories and stories…
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Mom in the Making
What makes a mother? Too many things to mention. And we all have our own definitions. Our own ideas. And our own memories. Or we might have a void where those memories should’ve been. But whether we can claim the usual definition of “mom” in our life or not, I bet we all have someone who filled at least parts of that role for us. It might be our father, grandmother, friend, teacher, or even a mentor. Being a mother isn’t always about biology. Being a mother is about being there. I had lots of plans for my life when I was younger. Motherhood wasn’t at the top of any of…
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Twelve Tips When You’re Drowning
I’ve spent more time in the last eighteen months fighting to stay above water in a storm-tossed ocean than I have standing on solid ground. Some days show up rockier than others. There are mornings I see the waves coming the second I open my eyes and then there are times I’m taken completely by surprise. Oddly, my rough-water days aren’t always the ones that come with crisis or high drama. Here’s my theory. When I get a break and take a second to breathe, the adrenaline rush keeping me in the fight dips and I go under. I hate those days because they take me off guard. They steal…
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Guest Room
“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9 NIV When I was nineteen, my dad decided to call quits on his twenty-five year marriage. Even though he told my sister and me he was divorcing our mom, not us, that’s not exactly the way our lives played out. The day he left, he packed his stuff, drove out of state, and settled in with the woman who’d asked him to leave. Widowed with two small boys, she convinced him to marry her and adopt her kids and raise them as his own. Over that year, his infrequent trips to see my sister and I dwindled to zero.…
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While You Wander
When’s the last time you rode a roller coaster? For me, it was four summers ago. The kids and I spent the day at Six Flags pushing the limits of gravity and our ability not to vomit. They came home hyper and happy, ready for another visit. I came home queasy and sad that my stomach no longer belonged to a twelve-year-old. The cool thing about a roller coaster is its ups and downs and twists and turns. Climbing to the big drops spikes adrenaline and builds anticipation. The bad thing about a roller coaster is its ups and downs and twists and turns. Just when I’m flying high, my…
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Switch: A Nontraditional Easter Story
SWITCH A Nontraditional Easter Story Caroline burrowed deeper into the corner of the last seat on the bus. “Invisible,” she whispered to herself. “Be invisible.” The bus was silent, except for the hum of the engine that had been left running. No newspapers rustled. No cells rang. No passengers moved up and down the aisle. Up front, the driver lay slumped over the steering wheel, his right hand still wrapped around the door lever. The absence of the normal buzz of activity left an empty vacuum that reached into Caroline’s lungs. Every breath she took seemed to get lost somewhere inside her body. Why hadn’t she driven to work today?…
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The Sound of Silence
Recently, I shared a picture on FB with these words: When someone you love is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words. And surprisingly, the message caused a little controversy. When I first read the words, all I thought about was how perfectly they captured my heart and touched me where I was—barely standing in the middle of a turbulent tornado. The year before, my son had relapsed with leukemia, moved home from college, and begun a frightening and aggressive twenty-four month treatment plan. His return changed our family dynamics, our priorities, our focus. We were not the same family. We were…
