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Switch: A Nontraditional Easter Story
SWITCH A Nontraditional Easter Story Caroline burrowed deeper into the corner of the last seat on the bus. “Invisible,” she whispered to herself. “Be invisible.” The bus was silent, except for the hum of the engine that had been left running. No newspapers rustled. No cells rang. No passengers moved up and down the aisle. Up front, the driver lay slumped over the steering wheel, his right hand still wrapped around the door lever. The absence of the normal buzz of activity left an empty vacuum that reached into Caroline’s lungs. Every breath she took seemed to get lost somewhere inside her body. Why hadn’t she driven to work today?…
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The Sound of Silence
Recently, I shared a picture on FB with these words: When someone you love is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words. And surprisingly, the message caused a little controversy. When I first read the words, all I thought about was how perfectly they captured my heart and touched me where I was—barely standing in the middle of a turbulent tornado. The year before, my son had relapsed with leukemia, moved home from college, and begun a frightening and aggressive twenty-four month treatment plan. His return changed our family dynamics, our priorities, our focus. We were not the same family. We were…
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When You Just Can’t Rally
Sometimes life feels like a Transformers movie—nonstop, heart-straining action that lasts an hour too long. No matter how busy we feel or how many obstacles dash into our path, we don’t stop moving. There’s always that next thing to do, accomplish, acquire, take care of. Navigating life can be an exhausting cycle of pull it together and get it done. Whatever it is. Wouldn’t it be great if life came with a TV remote? We could power down our day the same way we power down Transformers on Blu-ray. We could get a snack, take a bathroom break, let our hearts hit a normal beat before we dive back into…
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The Trouble with Honesty
One Sunday while I waited for my husband to park the car, I sat on the bench next to the coffee bar in the church lobby. For fifteen minutes, I watched people coming in and out of the sanctuary. Most of them were smiling and hugging. Almost all of them asked each other the same question—“How are you?” Here’s a breakdown of the answers: “Awesome.” <given with an over-exuberant grin> “Great.” <given with a regular grin> “Fine.” <given with a barely there grin> Most of the answers and grins seemed genuine. But sometimes when the hug ended and the person who asked the question disappeared down the hall, the…
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Surviving the Storm: Everything You Didn’t Want to Know About Chemo
I forgot how ugly chemo can get. Over the last six years, while my son stayed cancer-free, I pushed to the side the ugliness of our first battle with leukemia. Kind of like I shoved away the pain of childbirth after he was born. If I’d remembered my first experience with labor, Kyle would’ve been an only child. If I’d remembered our first ride with cancer, I’d have locked him up in a magic bubble where cancer could never find him. The further Kyle gets into his current treatment, the faster the horrors of chemo come back and suddenly I’m reliving every moment of those rough years in very gritty…
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Surviving the Storm: Running Cancer’s Maze
When the movie, The Maze Runner, hit Redbox, I rented the Blu-ray. Watching movies on our big screen is one of the few things we can still enjoy as a family since my oldest son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia. His aggressive chemo schedule ensures we don’t take vacations or plan parties or participate in activities that don’t involve spending major chunks of time sitting on cushy chairs. Living in a state of crisis has become our new norm. We’re sadly ecstatic when we learn more about new medications. And planning any outings feels pointless when Cancer hijacks our schedule ninety-nine percent of the time. Trying to survive cancer feels a…
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Surviving the Storm: Shaken
Faith feels easy when life is easy. But what happens when life gets hard? What happens when you’re shaken? Author’s Note: Last year, my oldest son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia, making me a two-time Cancer Mom. I’m sharing our journey not to ask for your pity, but for others who trudge this same road feeling isolated and alone. And for friends and family who watch the suffering and want to help, but don’t know where to begin. SHAKEN I swallowed a sip of burnt coffee and glanced across the blue vinyl booth at my oldest son. His brown hair was messy, like when he’d stepped out of the…
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No-Budge Beulah
Ever have someone kick you when you're down? Be cruel when you need compassion? Meet No-Budge Beulah.
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Honesty Central: Getting Real
With the exception of a few posts, I haven’t blogged for close to a year. Not since my son, Kyle, relapsed with leukemia. I wrote a few posts on that topic that I won’t repeat. But here are the links if you or someone you love is struggling with cancer. When Life Stops, Wishes, Wants, and Secrets Fantasies, You Want Me to be Thankful for What? I’m a writer. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been published or in what venue, that need to create lives in my soul. It’s part of who I am. It is who I am. You’d think the first thing I’d turn to in…
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You Want Me to be Thankful for What?
Cancer doesn’t observe holidays. Doesn’t take a vacation. Doesn’t step away for a brief time-out. Since the week before Thanksgiving, when my son, Kyle, discovered an unusual mass, cancer dictates how we spend our holidays. The day before Thanksgiving, Kyle went in for an ultrasound. After the results came back abnormal, we spent Black Friday, which also happened to be my birthday, in the ER waiting for a C.T. scan. Right before Christmas, Kyle had surgery to remove the malignant mass. Christmas Eve, we learned the mass was not an isolated tumor, but an extremely rare form of leukemia relapse. Trust a Los Angeles medical malpractice lawyer to navigate your…
